Can this man possibly save our season? Is Runny Pants really a Koop? (all the other Koops I know are tall and skinny...) Whats this about a team on the East Coast? I thought all those Easterners did was drink Keiths and bitch about the "caaahd" moratorium... Why do my picks suck? Is El Duque really a teacher, or just an unemployed bum?
These and any other question can be debated right here...
posted by El Presidente @ 11:09 AM
15 comments
15 Comments:
Koop here. I'm going to "weigh" in on your questions here, el Presidente:
1. "Can this man possibly save our season?" No, he can't. That is, he can't unless he's all of a sudden become an offensive lineman. The Bombers are a bunch of bums.
2. "Is Runny Pants really a Koop? (all the other Koops I know are tall and skinny...)" Yes, the Koop is a Koop. And the explanation as to why I carry a little more junk in my trunk than the others is simple: Once a generation there comes the sacrificial Koop that takes on the extra weight of the skinny Koops. The Koop is such a Koop.
Do not be mistaken, the Koop is a Koop.
3. "Whats (sic.) this about a team on the East Coast? I thought all those Easterners did was drink Keiths and bitch about the "caaahd" moratorium..." You are right. Although to be fair, it doesn't have to be Keiths. I'm pretty sure I saw the Hilliard men sharing a keg of swish at Grey Cup last year. Now regarding a team out east, I'm 100% behind it. Rumour has it that our pool's very own Grant Hilliard is currently inspecting possible locations for a stadium and is in constant contact with the Commissioner of the Canadian Football League through the magic of e-mail spamming. Good work Grant!
4. "Why do my picks suck?" Mine don't. El Presidente's do! But seriously, this has been on my mind since week one (or two). Let me ask you this, El Presidente: Have you been picking the Bombers? That's problem number one. Have you been betting against the 2004 Grey Cup Champions/2005 Team of Destiny YOUR Toronto (a.k.a. The Centre of the Universe) Argos? That's mistake number two - and perhaps the more important of the two, for the Bombers may get better, but the Argos will always be the Team of Destiny.
Speaking of the Argos, that was another fantastic finish there again the other night, wasn't it, folks?! It just shows you what a team can do when they decide to apply themselves and not stink it up for at least 3 minutes in a game... Okay, so the Argos weren't perfect but what about that Arland Bruce III (or "The 3rd" as he's commonly referred to as in Section 208 at the Rogers Centre)? My memory fails me for a moment... where did he used to play, before he got snagged by the gravitational pull of the Centre of the Universe?! Hmm... I think it was one mediocre city or somewhere...
5. "Is El Duque really a teacher, or just an unemployed bum?" I'm going to say that yes, he's a teacher, but he's also a bum. I think that the distinction of "Altona teacher" should also be made. We're not talking about real education. I've heard that the Duke's interview included a test of how far he could spit a watermelon seed and how many wereneki he could eat in one sitting. The Altona school system is more akin to sitting on Opa's knee while he tells you what life was like in Russia and then showing you how to make out with your sister. That kind of education would never cut it in a real town, such as Morden.
So that just about does it... I think I've pontificated on all the major issues of the day. Despite my hesitation to give the new regime of El Presidente any credit (for I'm afraid that it would be mistaken for respect), I must say that I do appreciate the effort that he's taken to get the chatter going. Geez, he even posted a photo! This isn't your father's CFL pool. I didn't quite realize how badly we had it the last few years until we were finally liberated from the iron-fisted ineptitude of the Czar. Now if only we could get El Presidente to post the following week's games so that we don't have to go to another site to find them, we'd be living the high life. Perhaps that's too much to ask. Perhaps it's time for a coup... or a Koop!
Signed,
The Koop
Bitch bitch bitch! Thats all you do Koopie! So here are your precious games for next week...
Week 4
Date Teams ET Result
Fri Jul 15 Winnipeg at Edmonton 9:00pm TSN
Toronto at B.C. 10:00pm
Sat Jul 16 Calgary at Ottawa 7:00pm
Sun Jul 17 Hamilton at Saskatchewan 6:00pm TSN
Let me post a rebuttal of your comments...
1. You are correct. Kevin Glenn is not a saviour. Nor is Tee Martin. Russ Michna? Maybe, but doubtful. Who is, we ask? I've got my sights on Kerwin Bell making a comeback! During last weeks games they listed him as being in the all-time CFL top ten as far as pass completion. What more do we want?
2. Just because your Mama told you you're a Koop does not make it so. Just look at the Klassen sisters! There's no way someone as intelligent as a Doctor could sire two dipthongs like them.
3. I thought we had an East coast team? Isn't Montreal on the St. Lawrence seaway? Close enough. I can't see any benefit of a team farther east. All that would encourage is more unemployed bums drinking cheap booze while bitching about their football team. And the CFL already has me and El Duque...
4. Is that the best advice you've got? I already know not to pick the Blue and Gold anymore. Except next week...the Eskies looked weak against the Alouettes...maybe if...uhmm....
5. Lastly, sorry to correct you Koopie, you have mistaken the Altona school system (Borderland School Division actually) for something a little farther west (hint: it rhymes with stinkler!)
And to all you posers out there...you suck! Yeah, I mean you!
El Presidente
go bombers go!
quick hits...
-love the koop.
-argos are now my #1 choice out east - go argoooooooooos!!!
-swatter...that kid is alright, runs a mean pool...tries to initiate conversation here by continually badgering the czar and his sis..i mean brother, why? is it his hidden love of Winkler and equally hidden and utter disgust for Altona? hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
-let's get that 10th team out east! go Schooners!!!
-is it possible the bombers could achieve a perfect season? 0-18 baby!
-why are there so few of us posting?
-pictures on they blog, nice touch swatter, keep 'em coming!
-i punched 23 hippies this weekend at the folkfest...sorry runny, couldn't get to the requested 24 you asked for, they are quicker than they look, i think the extra stink and crusty beards speeds them up.
-iron fisted? ineptitude? let's wait and see how it all plays out, shall we?
-time to do other non-nerd stuff, i am out!
czar
First off, check out my blog, The Koop's Guide to the Centre of the Universe (http://centre_of_the_universe.blogspot.com/) and you'll see who I've picked as the one possible saviour of the Blue Bombers this year.
Thanks Swatter for adding this week's games. I can't believe the quick response... It's so beautiful that as I'm typing these words, there's one tear slowly running down my cheek. We certainly are living in wonderous times!
And thanks Czar for taking out those hippies for me. I know you fell short of the goal, but you gave it your all. (Hint: If your hands are all lubed up with that scented oil crap you use in the tug-boat, you'll never catch those greasy bastards.)
Hey, I just realized that Dan Roberts is tied for number one in the pool! Dan, how's the view from the top of the heap? How does it feel to be sharing the lead with a real life doctor? (Yes, a Winkler doctor is still a doctor, folks.) Don't get too comfortable.
Signed,
The Koop.
Dan, it's time to let go of the Jets, just like you've FINALLY let go of the Bombers. Winnipeg loves Slurpees far more than they ever loved those bums on skates.
In case you're not all aware, Dan's become a RAGING Argonauts fan and loves living in the Centre of the Universe, a "true world class city."
Truthfully yours,
The Koop.
Hey Koopie, don't you mean "flaming" Argos fan, just like you?
Are you questioning my sexual orientation, El Presidente? The Koop is ALL man - er, I mean ALL chick-loving man!
Signed,
The Koop
Me?
Question your masculinity Koopie?
C'mon...I mean you're no sex symbol or anything (well, maybe in TO) but I'd never imagine questioning your sexuality. No matter how often El Duque refers to "sitting on your face" or anything...
Urghh.. the "face sitting" incident again?! Will that story ever be put to rest? (It reminds me of that joke about the farmer, "... but you screw one goat...") It's bad enough that I still get nightmares and flashbacks of the Duke's stinky butt coming towards my face, but since that attack I have developed serious intimacy issues that I just won't get into at this point.
El Presidente, if you consider the "face sitting" incident to be evidence of the Duke and I expressing our love for one another (in a fun-boy sense), how do you explain the Duke's recent wedding?
Signed,
The Koop,
Ladies' Man Extraordinaire/
Toronto Plus-sized Sex Symbol
What we're going to drum up every little thing we did in College?
El Presidente: Do I need to bring up the "Midgets and the Odour Eaters" story from your "college" days, which, if I recall was affilliated with RRCC (Romper Room Community College)
Roberts: Does everyone need to hear about the harmonica and the ER story? All I will say is that the full G chord sounded when he sat down in the doc's office.
Actually if I recall correctly, I was actually working as a TA (now called EA) and Head Banger Koop there was minding the post at a parking garage.
But still we were of "college age." Do we got the right to have a little fun at the end of a gulag-plauged work day?
And if you don't buy that one...It was the Czarina who made us. He was "the Man Upstairs" in every sense of the word. It was his perverse, back forty Winkler ways that saw us not as friends, or even as mere tenants, but as pawny puppets and he the master puppeteer.
When he said "Jump!!" I said "On his head or his nuts?" And the rest of the story has been sweetened like a rhubarb sandwich from the likes of our esteemed leader.
My point is this: we all have to bear the "weight of some friend of ours jumping on our head" in some form. For some, its smoking, for a few mil its living in TO, for an increasing part of our population its a little extra gravy on the mashed potatoes and still for others that "weight of that friend on your head" is...the size 11 shoes with the weight of your friend attached to it. But we must fight our way through it. My "weight of a friend jumping on my head" is the guilt and regret I feel every single day for jumping on the head of my roommate and good friend at the time Ronald Koop.
But I fight through it by using the techiniques I learned from a "healing through crystals" brochure I found at the Folk Fest. I hope that you to Koopsie could find a way to rid yourself of the burden that YOU have created for yourself.
"Meow Meeeow Meooooow!!!"
(That means Peace be with you in Catspeak)
(Come to think of it Koopy--ALL of these examples seem to apply to you--Damn you got shitty friends!!)
Of course "Go Bombers" and while we're at it "Save Our Jets"
Maybe Roberts can dance a jig and play a duet version of "the Good Ole Hockey Game" with his harmonickys
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings and finally resolves and hard feelings any of us still harbour regarding having a head being pounced upon.
Yours Truly,
The El Duque
Wow! Who would have thought that our little Super Happy Fun CFL Pool would be a venue for interpersonal healings. The Bible says, "The Lord works in mysterious ways" and I believe it, for I have experienced it through the words of our very own Duker!
Duke, thanks to your message here, I've realized that I need to take my ass off another person's head before I can pull yours off of mine. (That's gotta be in the Bible somewhere too.) So yes, all is forgiven. And I'm sorry for all the rumours I spread to everyone in Winnipeg regarding you and an alleged gastro-intestinal disorder.
And you're right, I have lots of shitty friends. (You all know who you are. Ahem, CZAR!) Beggars can't be choosers though. Let's face it, my chronic body odour problem doesn't help the situation... But hey, this isn't a confessional - but believe me, if it was, I'd have some doozies - so let's can the group hug and move on. I mean, we're all here for one reason: to stick it to the Czar... or maybe for CFL football. To tell you the truth, I'm not so certain.
Personal message to Dan Roberts: I swear, it wasn't me that told the Duke about "The Harmonica Incident." I'm sure he must have read it in that tell-all Stephen Ostick biography. You know I'm not the kind of guy to spread rumours about friends.
Signed,
The Koop.
Hey!
That was between me, the "little people" (as they prefer) and Dr. Scholl. Not for public consumption! Since it looks like this Blog is starting to rev up (except for Koopie and Duker's little love-in) I'm decreeing a new contest. That's right. That's the kinda stuff I can pull as El Presidente! And no one can stop me!!! (please imagine maniacal laughter)
Since when did you learn to speak cat Duker? Did Gary at the Altona bar teach you? (the only person in the world to speak cat fluently) Fill me in tomorrow night while we watch the Blue Bombers DESTROY those pesky Eskies! (you'll bring that awesome veggie dip again, right?)
Another thing. I'm instituting a new weekly column. Its called Ask the Prez. I'll dish out wisdom and witicism to everyone, regardless of intelligence. So get those questions ready.
Am I rambling? Screw you.
Are TO chicks really into your look Koopie? Not that your look ain't super-sexy and all.
As for the Dukers marriage, its a sham. Married her for her money. He's racked up massive debts on Ebay. All those porcelain figurines he keeps buying.
I'll never forgive you for mentioning those dwarves.
El Presidente
Is there no justice in this world?
I guess there is. the Argos lost too.
El Presidente
The Argos were robbed! The whole game was rigged as far as I can tell. Why do you think that the powers that be decided to not show the game between the two Grey Cup super powers on TV? It was a conspiracy! No TV, no witnesses!
This whole season is now under protest.
Signed,
The Koop
P.S. Czar, the Bombers almost spoiled their "perfect" season last night. Pheww, that was close.
you know it le koop - i was mightily afraid we were going to spoil the perfect season! looking good this week though - MTL rolls into town pissed off and ready to keep us intact to the coveted perfect season!
czar
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